Buckle in, travelers, we're cranking open the neon-humming door of the Takeout Time Machine. Its buttons are sticky with soda pop syrup, and inside it hums the faint, sugary static of days gone by.

Vending machines are modern marvels that emphasize convenience. You insert money into either a coin or a dollar bill slot, punch in the code of the item you want, and then repeat the process all over ...